We have yolk!

My OB/GYN wants me to see her every week for an ultrasound until she sees the baby’s heart beat. I get to see my baby’s progress a lot during this second month. That should be exciting right?

Well, only when I look at the monitor and see there’s something growing in my uterus.

My first appointment was last week. I went in expecting to be asked when my last menstrual period was, how am I feeling, do I have any questions? Then taken back to give a blood sample.

But I got weighed and sent back to the room with the ultrasound machine. The same room I was in the last time I was pregnant. Only that time I was told my baby wasn’t alive any more. The nurse took my blood pressure and told me to undress from the waist down.

WHAAT?

“Why are we in this room?” I asked Mr Boots.

“You’re getting swabbed,” he answered (his word for pap).

I looked around the room. There wasn’t a lamp, so I didn’t think that was it. Would we actually be getting an ultrasound?

I was a nervous wreck waiting for the doctor to come in. Since the room held a bad memory for me, it was hard for me to think that we’d get good news that day. I knew it could be too early to see anything on an ultrasound, even a vaginal one. I was having an off day and wasn’t feeling very pregnant, which added to my anxiety. I actually found myself clasping my hands, closing my eyes and praying that everything would go well with this appointment.

The doctor came in and asked when my last period was and how I was feeling. Then surprised me by saying, “Lets see what’s in there!”

I’ll admit I got excited. But I was also so nervous I was shaking slightly.

We saw a teeny tiny gestational sac. I was so engrossed in looking atthe monitor that I didn’t catch the doctor saying it looked small, about three and a half weeks. It wasn’t until Mr Boots told me that later that I got concerned. I knew I should be about four and a half weeks.

The doctor said she wanted to see me every week until we saw a heart beat. I don’t know if that’s how she does things normally or if she wanted to monitor my progress since I had a miscarriage. If it’s because of my miscarriage, then I’m glad she’s seeing me more often. I’ve read a lot of doctors won’t let you come in for extra appointments unless you’ve had two or more miscarriages.

The past week has been full of ups and downs emotionally. After seeing the tiny sack, I felt a calm I hadn’t felt in a week. There was something there and that was good. I have continued to go back and forth between feeling pregnant and not pregnant. Then I started spotting on Saturday evening. Not red spotting, which indicates something bad is happening, but just brown blood mixed in with all the other mucous that’s constantly streaming out of me. The spotting has been kind of random, only showing up in the morning and evening. It didn’t even happen yesterday. I know spotting can be completely normal in pregnancy, but since my first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage, I began to stress out. I’ve been having anxiety attacks for the past two days.

Today was my second ultrasound appointment and I brought up my spotting with the doctor. She seemed alarmed at first, but when the results of the ultrasound looked good, she said it was probably implantation spotting.

Mr Boots asked the doctor if my anxiety is okay. The doctor assured him it’s completely normal, especially because we had a miscarriage earlier this year. She doesn’t seem concerned, but if I can’t get myself to relax over the next week I’m going to have to try and remember to ask her what I can do to help myself out. I know the stress isn’t good for me, and I don’t want it to affect the baby.

Oh, and we saw exactly what we needed to see in today’s ultrasound: a yolk sack and the beginnings of a fetal pole:

 

My Fetal Pole arrow looks like it’s pointing to the white blob. That isn’t the correct spot. The doctor thinks the fetal pole is that gray area just above that white spot.

I asked the doctor how far along I am based on this picture. She said about five and a half weeks. Right where I knew I should be.

She thinks we should be able to see a heart beat next week. I am feeling pretty relaxed now (I did a complete 180 once I saw a bigger gestational sack and yolk sac). But I don’t know how long this calmness will last. I feel like I shouldn’t be freaking out as much as I am. My last pregnancy went until 8 weeks and 4 days. I feel like I shouldn’t be concerned with getting that far; I should be concerned with getting farther than that. But I guess once you have a miscarriage it doesn’t really matter. You worry every step of the way.