Second Trimester Rant – Why Shouldn’t I Be the One Telling People I’m Pregnant?

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So maybe I’m being weird (that really wouldn’t be anything new). The second trimester is usually when people announce their pregnancies. Now that I’m in my second trimester close friends and immediate family want to know when I will announce my pregnancy to larger groups of people (that is, The World). Or, they want to know when they can start announcing my pregnancy to their friends and our extended family. When I hesitate, some of them have been pretty quick to remind me I’m in my second trimester so I don’t have anything to worry about now. I am just as quick to tell them they don’t know that.

My mom emailed me a few weeks ago and said she had told her sister and one of my uncles I’m pregnant, was that okay?

I didn’t know what to say to that. She made it a point to tell me she hadn’t told anyone about my miscarriage. It was her way of letting me know I could trust her. But there she was telling extended family I’m pregnant when I hadn’t yet given her the green light to do so. Honestly, I figured my in-laws would be the ones to blurt out the news before I gave them the go-ahead. As upset as I was, if my mom had started telling people the there wasn’t anything I could do about it. Since I had started telling people at work and the first half of the NT screening had gone well, I told her it was fine. But that meant, to keep things fair, I had to tell Jake’s parents they could start telling. And I didn’t want them to.

I sat on the idea for about three weeks before my MIL emailed me and asked if it was okay for her to start telling because she was having one of Jake’s aunts and uncles come over for dinner this weekend. I could have said no, but the Libra side of me had to keep things fair. So I told her it was fine, but my only request is that no one posts anything about it on Facebook.

I’ve spent a few days trying to figure out what my problem is. Really, what is the big deal in telling people now that I’m in my second trimester?

On the surface, I’m still scared. I haven’t felt as super excited as I felt when I told people about Baby #1. Plus, I found out I lost Baby #1 after telling a large group of people I was pregnant. I was still getting congratulation emails on my phone as I was sitting in the waiting room listening to the receptionist get pre-authorization for my D&C. It was horrible and embarrassing having to announce my loss only two days after I announced my pregnancy. Part of me is afraid that if I make a big announcement then something bad will happen and I’ll lose this one too. That sounds irrational, but loss is the only end result of pregnancy that I know so far and it’s a hard thing to share with people. The fact that I’m in my 15th week still boggles my mind. I might be in my second trimester and my risk of miscarriage is a lot lower now, but that means nothing to me. I was in the minority last time when I had a miscarriage. And if that wasn’t a hard enough slap in the face, it was a missed miscarriage. Did you know that only 1% of pregnancies end in a missed miscarriage? I didn’t until about a month ago. My frame of mind at the moment is if I could be a minority then, I could be one again. I think my family doctor hit the nail on the head when I saw her last week: I’m scared of getting excited.

When I thought about it some more I came to the conclusion that 1) I’m a control freak and 2) it is simply my news to tell.

In giving people permission to tell other people I’m pregnant, I lose control over what those people are saying. I ended up being there yesterday when Jake’s mom told his aunt and uncle I was pregnant. When I answered his aunt’s questions, Jake’s mom would also interject some information that wasn’t quite right this time around. I had to interject that, while whatever was said was true the first time, this time things are a little different. All I could think was, “If my MIL isn’t getting out the information quite right with me in the room, then what is she going to tell other people when I’m not here to give them the right information? And what is my mom telling people?”

I also have had a couple of friends offer to tell other friends of ours that I’m pregnant if I was too nervous to do so myself. I know they were just trying to help, but when it comes down to it, being pregnant is my news to tell. There are days that I simply don’t want anyone other than my closest friends and family to know. When I feel that it’s time to tell The World, then I want to be the one to tell and on my terms.

Needless to say, I’m slowly giving in. I mean, I don’t see or talk to extended family that often. I guess it makes the most sense for our parents to give them the news. The only place I don’t want people talking about my being pregnant is on Facebook

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