My Story Summed Up

I’m not sure I ever thought my journey to motherhood would be easy. I’ve always known that getting pregnant does not equal bringing home a baby, but the twists and turns to becoming a mom have taken me by surprise none the less:

October 2010: Married my high school sweetie.

December 2010: BFP after two months of trying. Something feels off though; I can’t shake the feeling that this will not be a take home baby.

February 2011: At our 12 week appointment we found out we lost the baby at 8w4d. I’m crushed, despite knowing we’d lose the baby at some point. I opt for a D&C that same day which, despite going well, I don’t recover from physically as quickly as I’d expected. To my surprise my OB was willing to send everything to pathology so we could find out why I miscarried.

March 2011: We get the results of our pathology back. We lost a baby girl to Trisomy X (Turner Syndrome).

July 2011: BFP with our rainbow baby. Still dealing with a mess of emotions surrounding my miscarriage. I realize that getting pregnant after a loss does not make things better (for me at least). I can’t relax despite knowing deep down that this will be our take home baby.

March 2012: Our baby boy, G, is born and has to spend five days in the NICU to be treated for sepsis and jaundice. I find myself in the official midst of postpartum depression, although I’m not aware of it and won’t be until G’s four week check-up when his doctor told me to talk to mine.

April 2012: I got on a Happy Pill and start feeling better. I realize I probably should have been taking something while I was pregnant with G. I start dealing with the emotions I have surrounding G’s birth and my time postpartum before I started the Happy Pill.

September/October 2012: I make my first attempt at weaning myself off the Happy Pill and fail. I go back on it after seeking out a very awesome counselor who advises it isn’t the end of the world to continue being on it.

April 2013: I weaned myself off of the Happy Pill. I decide I am ready to start trying for another baby, despite being scared shitless of going through PPD again.

June 2013: BFP again after two months of trying, due February 2014. Maybe it’s because I’m too preoccupied with G, but I can’t tell how things will go one way or the other like the last two times. So far things look good, so I’m trying to stay positive!

January 2014: L is born at 36w4d, two days after my water broke. I give birth with the help of Hubby and a doula, without pain medication. Luckily, no NICU time for our new addition! I opt to start the Happy Pill before I leave the hospital.

April 2014: get diagnosed with Postpartum Anxiety

8 thoughts on “My Story Summed Up

  1. Hi Emma (I think I saw that your name is Emma),

    I suffered with PPA too after my now 3.5 year old was born. It started within 24 hours of her birth and was terrifying – intrusive thoughts are no joke!

    Postpartum Progress helped me a ton. The reassurance I got from knowing I wasn’t alone and not totally crazy was so important. I haven’t blogged about my experiences yet but I plan to. I’ve only just started my blog and still figuring out how it all works.

    Anyway, I just wanted to say that I love your blog and congratulations on the Climb out of the Darkness. Yay to being back, however long it takes! 🙂


    1. Aw, thank you! Postpartum Progress is awesome and I’ve started referring all my friends to it when I feel that they could benefit from it!

  2. Thank you for sharing the timeline of your story. I also had a mmc and it was devastating. Sharing our stories is such a powerful way of supporting our community. It makes me feel so very hopeful to read stories like yours. Thank you for having the courage to share the good, the bad, and the ugly.
    Luna recently posted…Chipotle Burrito Salads: At Home!My Profile

    1. Thanks for visiting my blog! I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I love knowing that my story helps/gives hopes to others facing a similar situation.

  3. Wow you are very open and brave to write about your personal experiences. You’ve certainly not had an easy time of it and it’s all very recent. I hope that things are calming down for you now and that you are on the road to recovery. I think the more people who talk about PND (I’m English, we call it Post Natal Depression!) the better as people might identify with it and realise they have it. x
    Spidermummy x recently posted…The ‘Yes’ Project: Week twoMy Profile

    1. Thank you. I totally agree! I felt so alone during a lot of what Ive been through and my hope is that by sharing my experiences, someone else will realize they arent alone 🙂

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