I’m not sure I ever thought my journey to motherhood would be easy. I’ve always known that getting pregnant does not equal bringing home a baby, but the twists and turns to becoming a mom have taken me by surprise none the less:
October 2010: Married my high school sweetie.
December 2010: BFP after two months of trying. Something feels off though; I can’t shake the feeling that this will not be a take home baby.
February 2011: At our 12 week appointment we found out we lost the baby at 8w4d. I’m crushed, despite knowing we’d lose the baby at some point. I opt for a D&C that same day which, despite going well, I don’t recover from physically as quickly as I’d expected. To my surprise my OB was willing to send everything to pathology so we could find out why I miscarried.
March 2011: We get the results of our pathology back. We lost a baby girl to Trisomy X (Turner Syndrome).
July 2011: BFP with our rainbow baby. Still dealing with a mess of emotions surrounding my miscarriage. I realize that getting pregnant after a loss does not make things better (for me at least). I can’t relax despite knowing deep down that this will be our take home baby.
March 2012: Our baby boy, G, is born and has to spend five days in the NICU to be treated for sepsis and jaundice. I find myself in the official midst of postpartum depression, although I’m not aware of it and won’t be until G’s four week check-up when his doctor told me to talk to mine.
April 2012: I got on a Happy Pill and start feeling better. I realize I probably should have been taking something while I was pregnant with G. I start dealing with the emotions I have surrounding G’s birth and my time postpartum before I started the Happy Pill.
September/October 2012: I make my first attempt at weaning myself off the Happy Pill and fail. I go back on it after seeking out a very awesome counselor who advises it isn’t the end of the world to continue being on it.
April 2013: I weaned myself off of the Happy Pill. I decide I am ready to start trying for another baby, despite being scared shitless of going through PPD again.
June 2013: BFP again after two months of trying, due February 2014. Maybe it’s because I’m too preoccupied with G, but I can’t tell how things will go one way or the other like the last two times. So far things look good, so I’m trying to stay positive!
January 2014: L is born at 36w4d, two days after my water broke. I give birth with the help of Hubby and a doula, without pain medication. Luckily, no NICU time for our new addition! I opt to start the Happy Pill before I leave the hospital.
April 2014: get diagnosed with Postpartum Anxiety