miscarriage

Looking back…I feel like a boob

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My boobs were the one thing I couldn’t wait to get bigger. During the second month they got fuller, but I don’t think they really got bigger. And even though every pregnant lady I’ve known has bitched about their boobs hurting, almost right off the bat, the only thing that hurt were my nipples up until a week or two before my 12 week appointment. Then I noticed they weren’t hurting as much as earlier in the month.

I woke up the morning after my D&C and the first thing I noticed were my boobs. They were the first thing that went back to normal. What were two firm boobs the day before were 100% pre-pregnancy, squishy, non-hurting-nipple boobs. Shit, even my nipples went back to their normal color and size in less than 24 hours. This made me sad.

I had read that if you have a sudden loss of symptoms at any point in your pregnancy you should call the doctor right away. I never read or heard anything regarding a gradual loss.

So although I was concerned (and if you’ve read my past posts you’d know that I was worried close to 12 weeks that the baby wasn’t alive), I never did stop to really think, “I need to call the doctor, something is definitely wrong here!”

I spent my week in bed trying to go through my symptoms one by one to figure out, “when did that start going away?” Here are the biggies:

At my 8 week appointment my doctor told me that I should be getting over the morning sickness and fatigue in 2-3 weeks. This was about right. I still needed breakfast as soon as I arrived to work, and I would get a little nauseous when it was time for my morning snack. I was in the habit of eating lunch the same time everyday anyway. But when I reached that 2-3 week point I could start going a little longer between lunch and dinner (or my afternoon snack and dinner) without feeling nauseous (it was worse when I was hungry). Fatigue peaked around 8 weeks, but at said 2-3 week point I noticed that I didn’t spend my day at work trying to keep my head off my desk. I could come home from work and not feel the need to go lay down. So what may very well have been loss of pregnancy symptoms only seemed like my body was doing what the doctor said it would do.

My taste in food changed again in my third month. After discussing my loss of symptoms with Jake, I realized he noticed my sweet-tooth came back a lot quicker than me. The only sweets I really craved were Krispy Kream donuts during my second month. I hate Krispy Kream donuts. One week after my 8 week appointment (and two days after the baby died) I made a batch of chocolate chip cookies and ate half of them before dinner. Two weeks prior to that I made a batch that tasted horrible to me (although Jake said they were delicious). I just thought my taste buds were changing again. I couldn’t stand the taste of chicken either. One week before my 12 week appointment I made myself try a piece. It tasted like…chicken. Again, I thought my taste buds were changing.

The only thing that seemed off (besides my nipples) were cramps. And these weren’t the same kind of ligament cramps I had been experiencing 4-6 weeks into my pregnancy. These were definitely in the middle of my lower abdomen and started about 10 weeks. I never bled so I figured that maybe it was the bladder infection I had been diagnosed with at the same time. I’m pretty sure I had the infection since December, so I wasn’t surprised that things were beginning to hurt down there. I figured since I wasn’t bleeding and I only had two weeks to go until my appointment, I’d made a mental note to ask the doctor about it.

I’ve had moments of feeling really dumb, that I shouldn’t have waited and I should have called the doctor. But the baby had died before any of my symptoms started fading, so it’s not like there would have been anything to save. The most that would have been able to happen is Jake and I getting to move on a little sooner.

Maybe what I was experiencing is normal for your third month of pregnancy anyway? Clearly, I’ve never been pregnant full term, so I wouldn’t know. I’m realizing that there’s so much I don’t know and just how naive I really am.




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